I just turned 23 last November, and I am glad that I am not the type of person who is afraid of getting old. Though 23 is still relatively young, the fear of aging is one of the things I’ve foreseen when I was younger, and how glad I am that I was wrong.
There are a lot of realizations that you’ll gain when you reach this age. You are aware that you still don’t know a lot of things, but at the same time, you know that you are wiser. I am glad to be 23. I am glad to age. I love birthdays because it’s a subtle reminder that I am now having real problems and those things force me to grow up lol. Folks my age may not have the same life as me but I am pretty sure that we feel the same way — they want to hug their past selves have THE TALK whilst cheering on their present selves because they are just so proud that they have come a long way.
I APPRECIATE LITTLE THINGS
Saturday night that I can spend on the things that I love doing, like, cleaning my room and little home office. Writing while having coffee. Listening to jazz music while doing my skincare routine. Watching random gaming YouTubers online. Horror movies on Netflix. Talking to my parents and siblings. Vanilla scented candles. Vanilla scented perfume. Vanilla scented lotion lol.
I THINK I KNOW MYSELF A LITTLE NOW
You know what? I actually don’t like strawberries (the fruit), I like strawberry-flavored foods. I have an egg allergy, and that’s the reason why I don’t like them since I was 7. I still love listening to rock music, goes to show that, Mom, it wasn’t a phase. I love mixing paint on my painting palette, but the process of painting bores me. I love looking at other people’s paintings. I love dogs more than cats. I don’t hate snakes now. I hate when people upspeak. I like books that make me question myself and everything in my life. I get pretty boring when you can’t hold a conversation. I don’t really like going out. I love green more than pink and the sight of trees and plants warms my heart. Color grey makes me feel nauseous and I don’t know why lmao.
EXPECTATIONS — no matter where they come from, will HURT AND STING
If you were ever labeled as a mature, and smart kid, you are most likely suffering from depression now. From family’s expectations to the expectations you have on yourself, if it’s too much, it will hurt. Humans, scientifically speaking, should have an aim. It is proven in psychology that when a person lacks a sense of direction, they often feel lost and meritless. But aiming as high as the heavens will not help you either, and you and the people around you should know that.
HAVING ENOUGH ROOM FOR MISTAKES
We will make countless mistakes in our lifetime, and so much so if we are a kid or a teenager. Allowing yourself to have enough room for mistakes will let you sleep at night. You may feel so mature and so ahead of your age sometimes, but trust me, you don’t know better, BUT someday, you will. It’s called growth. Don’t beat yourself up for not knowing any better, or not being as mature as your cousin whenever your mom is comparing you to him. You are not obligated to do that. You are in the process of knowing yourself and knowing what’s best for you, the least you can do right now is enjoy that stage and absorb every lesson.
And also note, that you won’t master your life in a day, not even in a lifetime. Accept that every day is sort of a restart. Knowing that you know things but not so much, is okay. Embracing things as a challenge and accepting that we are humans who are capable of doing things that will contradict our values sometimes.
RELYING ON PEOPLE (if you are privileged enough)
This will hurt, so ready your band-aids. Don’t be prideful when you can’t even buy yourself tequila because you’re not yet allowed to do so. This means you are under the legal age. You are a kid. Don’t feel bad about being a burden because your parents cloth, feed, and school you. It’s their responsibility. Rely on them until you can rely on yourself.
SOME PEOPLE REALLY SUCKS and SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN’T BE SAVED
I have realized that some people just don’t deserve your rationality and we have to let them live and breathe in their little bubble. If at the first or second reminder they don’t listen to you? Run. You will encounter some of the hardest changes in your life, spend that time preparing yourself for these things. Some people cannot be saved simply because they don’t want to, and the best thing you can do for them is love them the way they are, and if you can’t do that, I am sorry hunny but they are not for you, and you are not for them. You are not their person and you have to stop feeling bad about that. The world prepared so much bullsh*t for you to even have time to feel bad for another person. Stop romanticizing saving people, I promise you, if they want to be saved, they will ask for help.
IT’S NOT BEING FAKE, IT’S PROFESSIONALISM
Being professional means being able to work with people you hate. But believe it or not, these people most likely wanted to punch you in the face at least once, but they didn’t, they tried to understand your situation and moved on. These people are just like you who try to suck things up, because dear, this is how the world works. They will annoy you at some point, but trust me, they get annoyed by you too. But where do we draw the line? It’s when they express it to you in a degrading and cruel way. And if that’s the case, sit down and talk calmly.
SAYING YES IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS SAYING NO
I have learned how to say no since sleeping in my mom’s womb, but what did I not learn how to say? YES.
I always say no to my friends when they are asking me to go out with them.
I said no to a relationship that might have bloomed.
I said no to a good career opportunity simply because I was scared to fail.
Learning how to say no or yes at the right time, is a skill that I think we all should have as we age.
SELF EXPRESSION AND WHEN TO SHUT THE F*** UP
In your 20s, I think it’s crucial to express who you are, and what you believe in, but know when and how. If people don’t ask about your political stance, don’t voice it out. If you think people won’t like to hear about what happened to you and your ex, don’t share it. If people ask you about your job position and how much you are earning? Say no.
REALITY OF MEN AND WHY YOU SHOULD SET STANDARDS
I know that this belief will change when I get older, but right now, I just wanna say that in reality, I know that not all of you, but, MOST MEN REALLY SUCK. It’s sad. And if you don’t know what you want in a man or you just simply don’t care about who you date, girl, take a pen and paper now and start listing. Because if you can get hurt by having standards, what more if you don’t have them?
REALITY OF DATING MEN WHO CAN PASS OFF AS YOUR DAD
Dating men above 35 are just cool when you are 20. THERE. I SAID IT.
I have realized that grown-ass men love younger women because they don’t feel the need to improve anymore. For a 19-year-old, a 30-year-old man is a GOD, whether he is doing everything or nothing at all.
If you are dating a man who is half your age right now, hun, ask yourself why women his age don’t date him?
BEING ABLE TO SEE THROUGH MEN
My choices were narrow, to begin with, but right now? I don’t even know anymore. I know if a man is a manchild the second he opens his mouth. I know what kind of man he is based on who he surrounds himself with and how he wants to spend his Saturday night. I am in no way the perfect girl, but I know what I don’t want to live with.
REALITY OF BEING A GROWN WOMAN
The reality of being a grown and mature woman is not having an “I don’t need anyone.” attitude. It’s actually the opposite. It is being aware of when you need a hand to hold and an ear that can listen to you all night without you feeling disgusted by yourself after. It’s realizing that the road is lonely and a human who can laugh at your jokes while both of you are walking would be nice.
LONELINESS IS TABOO
I was always a sad girl. Someone even once told me that I am too young to be this sad, but I can’t help to be too observant and sometimes feel sad about things, one of which is that— I don’t think I’ll find someone who will understand who I am. In a world where talking about needing someone by your side is seen as a weakness and an insult to the constitution of bad b*tches, I am a person who isn’t afraid to accept the fact that sometimes I just really need someone.
LISTEN TO YOUR ELDERS/PARENTS
I cannot count how many times I have heard the phrase, “You may not realize it by now, but someday you’ll thank me for guiding you.”
It was not until a year or two ago that their words finally hit me. And the only thing I could mutter was, “I should have listened.”
Listening to people older than you won’t hurt. They’ve been on this earth first and saw things that they know might affect you, they are just trying to save you from those. Listen to them and take their words seriously. Love your parents and their nagging, unwanted reminders, strictness, and rules. Not only some people don’t have that privileged but trust me, elders know what they're saying.
DISCLAIMER: Everything written here is not made for everyone. There are things in this blog that just won’t fit you. Please don’t come at me lol
Much love, xx ness